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Hognostications: Week 1

By Frank Hastings | September 8th, 2006

Each week brings you Hognostications – a staff member’s picks and last season’s Hognostication pool winner’s picks – on who’ll win and why and/or why not. If you pick up a slight bit of Hognosticator homerism towards the Washington Redskins do not be alarmed, it’s intended. As always, kids, please no wagering. Also, each week a review of the past week’s results will be reported and a cumulative record kept. So play along, who knows you may be asked to be the next Hognosticator… just ask Redskin in Canada.

Miami at Pittsburgh
No Roethlisberger, no Bettis, no Randle El, no win. Charlie Batch won’t do enough to spoil Culpepper’s debut as a fish. – In hindsight this pick neglected to give the Steeler defense the credit they deserve. Wouldn’t Joey Porter and Troy Polamalu look nice in burgundy and gold? Saban will need to work on his challenge flag toss.
Pick – Dolphins

Atlanta at Carolina
Look for DeShaun Foster and rookie sensation DeAngelo Williams to spell DeFeat for De black birds. Foster ran all over the Falcons last year and don’t expect him to let up with the rookie nipping at his heals and potentially sharing his carries. Fox would be wise to demand rest for Smith and let DeShawn, sorry, Keyshawn serve as the possession receiver he plays so well.
Pick – Panthers

New Orleans at Cleveland
The Saints are completely rebuilt and have no where to go but up, however, it’ll take some time for the offense to become productive and for Payton to instill some confidence. The Brownies meanwhile seem to have lots of talent at wide receiver with Edwards, Jurevicius and Northcutt and an established running game with Droughns. Charlie Frye is the sixth QB to open the season for the Brown in the last eight years – been there, done that.
Pick – Browns

Seattle at Detroit
If Millen couldn’t win with Mariucci, he’s certainly not going to win with a Marinelli. By the end of the season many Lion’s fans may wish Millen was getting pulled over for being drunk and nude. What is that all about?
Pick – Seahawks

Philadelphia at Houston
This pick may be a stretch, but perhaps the Texans can spoil N.D.’s return to Houston. Kubiak will succeed in Houston despite the boneheaded draft choice by the departed Casserly. Don’t be surprised, if Carr struggles, to see Rosenfels early in season, if not this game.
Pick – Texans

Cincinnati at Kansas City
The jury is still out as to whether Herman Edwards can get the Chiefs to play some semblance of defense. Marvin Lewis on the other hand doesn’t have that problem and is poised to make another strong run deep into the playoffs, continent upon Palmer’s health of course. Palmer’s recovery has been nothing short of amazing.
Pick – Bengals

Buffalo at New England
Deion Branch is acting about as stupid as another Deion (who couldn’t have possibly played for the Redskins). How many wide outs would kill to have Brady spoon feeding them their TD receptions? Doug Gabriel will be one of Brady’s new favorite targets and a new star in the league. Deion Branch will soon be forgotten. Benjamin Watson, who we know all too well, will be another favorite target of Brady’s.
Pick – Patriots

Denver at St. Louis
Whomever Shanahan puts in his backfield will succeed and with Javon Walker and Rod Smith, the Bronco offense should be fun to watch. The Rams would be a doormat in the NFC East and could share that spot with the 49ers in the West.
Pick – Broncos

Baltimore at Tampa Bay
This ought to be a great game if you like defense. The Raisins have loss 11 straight on the road – longest current streak in the league, by an average of almost 12 points. Both those stats hold up this week. McNair should help their offense, but he and that defense are getting old.
Pick – Bucs

New York Jets at Tennessee
Jeff Fisher will out-coach new Jet head coach, Eric Mangini. Both teams better enjoy this week as the following weeks for each team are killers. The Jets lose this game, they’re 0-6 come week seven and with a Titan win, they go 1-5 to start the season.
Pick – Titans

San Francisco at Arizona
There’s always a ‘who cares’ pick for the week and this is your winner. Don’t expect a playoff team out of the West other than the Hawks. The Edge will get to meet the team he’ll run all over and pad his stats with for years to come. It will be interesting to see the Cardinal’s new $455 million stadium.
Pick – Cardinals

Chicago at Green Bay
The Bears swept the Pack for the first time in 14 years last season. That trend continues, and the media continues with act II of boring everyone all season discussing Favre’s potential retirement after this, his 15th season.
Pick – Bears

Dallas at Jacksonville
The Pukes come into this game over confident based on their meaningless undefeated preseason, their ‘badly in need of a manssiere’ coach and their off-season acquisitions. Let’s hope Bledsoe and T.O. stay healthy enough to play in week 2. One more worthless story on T.O. is going to make us all want to, well you know.
Pick – Jaguars

Indianapolis at New York Giants
Who isn’t looking forward to watching this one? If the Colts are able to establish a running game, it’ll be a long day for the new Giant secondary. Won’t it be nice to see LaVar over pursue, miss a few tackles and head to the sideline with another nagging injury in a different colored jersey? Watching Pierce make plays won’t be quite as pleasant.
Pick – Colts

Minnesota at Washington
No way a rookie head coach comes into our house and gets a win over a Gibbs coached team and staff. Brad Johnson will suffer the consequences of a major amount of built up frustration as the defense finally gets to let loose on a regular season opponent. And while the defense isn’t mugging a QB older than our own, Freddie’s return is made into a nightmare by the likes of Moss and Lloyd, receivers he wishes he’d had the opportunity to work with while a Skin. It sure is hard not to look forward to next week. Does anyone else smell puke?
Pick – Redskins

San Diego at Oakland
Schottenheimer knows how to beat the Raiders and will do it for the 6th straight time. LT will continue to run all over the Raider defense. Can you believe Keenan McCardell is still starting for the Chargers at age 36? Shawne Merriman is a joy to watch.
Pick – Chargers

Last Week’s Results: 0-0
Season To Date: 0-0

-Frank Hastings

Hognostications Counterpoint NFL Week 1

This is the most difficult week to Hognosticate in my not so humble opinion. If preseason means nothing, and ALL Redskins fans certainly hope so, we have very little to go by. There are many uncertainties about the chemistry of teams that may look good or bad just on paper.

Those who rely on statistics have little to go by. But those who have made some research and followed training camps, ALL 32 of them, might be in better shape, maybe.

Those with gut feelings have mostly prejudices to go by. There is no written rule that a match-up last season can be extrapolated to this season, at least not in today’s parity-driven NFL.

The ones in best shape are those who rely on sheer luck, the team’s mascot, a magic crystal ball, the ones who pick at random, the ones who always pick home teams, or according to the temperature of the day. Be afraid of them. I know I am, at least during the first week.

So, let’s get to it:

Thursday, Sep. 7

Miami at Pittsburgh 8:30 p.m.
No Roth, little Ward, no win.
Pick: Miami

Sunday, Sep. 10

Atlanta at Carolina 1:00 p.m.
Vick can run. Carolina’s defense runs faster. Advantage Carolina.
Pick: Carolina.

Baltimore at Tampa Bay 1:00 p.m.
Until proven otherwise, the Raisins have no offense. I’ll go with the home team too.
Pick: Tampa Bay

Buffalo at New England 1:00 p.m.
Are you kidding???
Pick: New England

Cincinnati at Kansas City 1:00 p.m.
Edwards – Holmes – Saunders – Roaf = defeat
Marvin + Carr + Chad + Hou@#$%^&deh = victory
Pick: Cincinnati

Denver at St. Louis 1:00 p.m.
New coach is guilty until proven innocent.
Pick: Denver

New Orleans at Cleveland 1:00 p.m.
Cleveland has been notoriously bad against the run. Reggie Bush brakes through with a 200 yard game. Naaaaahhh.
Pick: Cleveland

N.Y. Jets at Tennessee 1:00 p.m.
How many plays do you think Chad will last? I thought so.
Pick: Tennessee

Philadelphia at Houston 1:00 p.m.
Nobody but me would like to see Eagles fans suffer. It ain’t gonna happen this weekend.
Pick: Philadelphia

Seattle at Detroit 1:00 p.m.
This is another no-brainer, unless you think the Lions will win the NFC this year. No? OK.
Pick: Seattle

Chicago at Green Bay 4:15 p.m.
The number of interceptions will be surpassed only by the number of sacks. Ouch!
Pick: Chicago

Dallas at Jacksonville 4:15 p.m.
I hate to do this. I really do.
Pick: Dallas

San Francisco at Arizona 4:15 p.m.
I have a question: How many TDs do you think will be the difference? The beginning of the end Mr. Nolan.
Pick: Arizona

Indianapolis at N.Y. Giants 8:15 p.m.
Manning v. manning. I Hognosticate with 100% projected accuracy that Manning wins and manning loses.
Pick: Indianapolis

Monday, Sep. 11

Minnesota at Washington 7:00 p.m.
No vanilla this time, only pure Burgundy and Gold!
Pick: Washington

San Diego at Oakland 10:15 p.m.
Not even the man with the “golden arm” can “fix” the Raiders. Frank Sinatra movie goers know what I mean.
Pick: San Diego

Oh! You thought I was going to receive a description of my champion-proven mathematical and artistic prediction model? Dream on Hogs!

Last Week’s Results: 0-0
Season To Date: 0-0


Edit: This blog was archived in May of 2016 from our original articles database.It was originally posted by Frank Hastings

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