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What follows is an answer to the chorus of complaints from the legions of fans who are tired of being distracted by “sensible” analysis backed by “facts” and “knowledge.” If you seek shelter from the twin storms that are “reality” and “logic,” then this is your port of call.

1) Well, since someone decided to steal our football-broadcasters-are-dumb thunder this week, we suppose we’ll have to find something else to write about.

And, since the Redskins are currently challenging themselves by pursuing the New Age philosophy known as “Dominate Virtually Every Single Stat Yet Still Manage to Lose”, this week we will take you on a trip around the NFL in the first (and probably not the last) installment of: This Week in Suckery

2) There are some schools of thought that would hold this is a chat the NFL might have wanted to have at, oh, say the FOURTH arrest.

The NFL would, clearly, disagree with that line of thinking. Also, we recognize that taste in things like music and film is inherently subjective; that being said, however, Carson Palmer has awful taste.

Kinda punches a hole in the “the quarterbacks are the smartest guys on the field” theory.

3) The Redskins rushing defense has been, to put it mildly, porous this season. Wanna feel (slightly) better about it?

Check out the Colts run defense.

They are on pace to give up more than 2,600 yards on the season, teams are averaging 5.4 yards PER CARRY. When opposing defensive lineman say things like ““I probably could have had 78 or so on two carries,” you are not a Super Bowl contender, no matter who you have at QB.

4) Well, well, yet again it appears some team has decided to be totally unfair to The Consummate Teammate, Terrell Owens.

Seriously people, can’t the guy catch a break? Oh, no, apparently he can’t catch much of anything. (So weird that a Philly paper would report that)

5) We imagine it must be painful to watch Cowboys safety Roy Williams get toasted in real life but, in the very near future, Cowboys fans can watch it both in real time and on 20,000 square feet of video screen.

No word on whether the size of the screen correlates to how much receiving yardage ol’ Roy has allowed. OK, we’re a little bit jealous of that screen.

6) We are sure that Texans defensive lineman Mario Williams will one day develop into a great — and perhaps dominant — player, but we question how the team is explaining to its fan base why it decided to pass on Vince Young and Reggie Bush. “Hey, folks, there is such a thing as winning too quickly … it … um … makes you dizzy”

Lastly, yes, we recognize the blatant hypocrisy inherent in mocking other teams for some of the reasons above, and, no, we do not care.

Edit: This blog was archived in May of 2016 from our original articles database.It was originally posted by Stephen Zorio

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