Six Pack: Lions

News Washington Commanders

What follows is an answer to the chorus of complaints from the legions of fans that are tired of being distracted by “sensible” analysis backed by “facts” and “knowledge.” If you seek shelter from the twin storms that are “reality” and “logic,” then this is your port of call.

1) Thaaaaaaaaaaat’s more like it. We don’t recall having seen a Washington Redskins team play with that level of confidence since the playoff run. We will be particularly encouraged if the team can carry that over to Green Bay and help Brett Favre set another, less glamorous, record in the process: most interceptions. We are assuming there will be no fanfare or fireworks when (not if) he reaches that hallowed ground.

Were we him, we would put a positive spin on it and say “Hey kids, I have the most completions to opposing teams of any player ever, that’s because I mean it quite literally when I say I spread the ball around. Everybody gets a piece; it’s like communism, yaaaaaaaaaay!”

2) We found ourselves in the position of listening to the game via the Redskins’ radio broadcast (we also watched the hi-def recording when we got home, that’s how we roll, but it is pertinent as well). Larry Michael is a morbid and boring man, and that’s a heckuva trick to pull off.

He has an awful habit of fixating on injured players to the extent that the listener thinks the situation is much more dire than it actually is. Exclamations of “he’s hurt, he’s down, wow, he’s not moving at all” are neither helpful, nor, as it turned out, were they accurate, something we confirmed by watching the recording. Even when Sonny and Sam would attempt to advance the conversation, the personification of Droopy Dog would continue to fixate on the supposed spectacle of carnage he — and only he — saw before him. He recites in monotone fashion “he’s down, he’s in pain” and the listeners are left to panic, picturing some season shattering injury.

We’ve had enough of those already this season. Whoever Michael’s bosses are need to plug him in, access his software and remind him that his job is to accurately communicate the on-field situation and not cause unjustified panic among the listeners. Next time we will throw a cup of water on him, and nobody* wants that.

3) We knocked Carlos Rogers a couple of weeks ago so we have to be consistent and praise him here. Yes, the Lions are a bad team (more importantly their offensive line is bad; we believe Calvin Johnson will be an elite receiver but passing on Joe Thomas was, unequivocally, stupid), but they came in with the game’s top-ranked offense and left without it.

The play of the defensive line was unquestionably crucial but to shut down that receiving corps required a collective effort. Well done all around … now do it again. We say that with all due love and respect.

4) We are inspired by Mike Sellers who had a career day Sunday, thanks in part to his constant begging (his actual talent played a much larger role). We believe that applying the same strategy to dating will pay off (begging, not demolishing safeties, though if that is the secret, we’re happy to give it a try). We also assume this is how Larry Michael got his job.

5) We love that the team decided to throw to Brandon Lloyd, and we hate to be picky but we’d kinda like to see that happen more than once, and this time, you know, as part of the game plan.

6) We are HUGE fans of the Cleveland Indians and, first, no we do not choose our teams based on their ability to anger American Indians. Secondly, we must take the time to applaud their win over the New York Yankees and highlight the value of spending wisely over simply spending. Go Tribe!

*By nobody we mean everybody

Edit: This blog was archived in May of 2016 from our original articles database.It was originally posted by Stephen Zorio

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