What Happens when the Sky Falls?

Washington Commanders

After the first game of the pre-season (well, technically the Hall of Fame game) the sky was the limit. After the last game with Carolina, many fans’ feelings have changed.

I can imagine the news coverage starting with the weather…

“We have a warm front coming in from the south, and as you can see here on the Doppler radar there seems to be a hole in the clouds over Landover, where it appears that the sky has fallen…”

“Thanks Jim, we now go live to Landover, Maryland where our own Jane Doe is on the scene. How’s it looking out there Jane?”

“Thanks Tom, I’m standing here live at Fed-Ex Field where it appears that a very strong vacuum has sucked the sky right down to the ground. The source of this vacuum seems to be the result of the Redskins’ horrific performance versus the Carolina Panthers this past Saturday. I’m going to try and get some local reactions…excuse me, sir? Did you witness the game this past weekend?”

“You mean the Redskins’ game? Yeah they sucked.”

“There you have it Tom, ‘the Redskins sucked.’”

“Thanks Jane. We go now to Biff Bifferson, our roving sports reporter who is standing by with Vinny Cerrato, who does something with the Redskins but nobody seems to know what. Biff?”

“Thanks Tom. Vinny, in light of the recent environmental disaster the Redskins have plagued upon the residents of Landover, what is the team going to do to get the sky back where it belongs?”


“I couldn’t help but notice that the parking lot here at Fed-Ex was full of birds forced to walk in the absence of sky, what is the teams official response and do you expect any fall-out from PETA?”

“Those are just Gulls, they are always here.”

“So is the team’s official response that there was, in fact, no sky to begin with?”

“No, it’s just…they’re scavenger birds. They are always here. If you run up on them they’ll fly away.”

“So is it the team’s official position that the birds of Landover don’t deserve a sky to fly in due to their bottom-feeder status?”

“What? No. Were you going to ask me questions about football?”

“Certainly, what do you have to say about the accusations that it was due to the Redskins’ sucking in their game at Carolina that caused the sky to fall?”

“The sky didn’t fall! Look, it’s still up there! See all of that blue stuff?! That’s the sky!”

“But what about the Redskins sucking…”

“Look, it was just a pre-season game, it didn’t mean anything! Sure we didn’t look good but it’s not the end of the world!”

“So, is it your position that Dan Snyder has plans to bring about the end of the world?”

“This interview is over”

“Well, there you have it, Tom. First; the sky. Next: the world. Live from Redskins park, I’m Biff Bifferson.”


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