Rare Animal Sighting At Owner’s Meetings

By Mark Solway | March 28th, 2012

There is plenty going on at the NFL Owner’s meetings in Palm Beach, Florida right now – what with the cap scandal, some rule changes, and the general hubbaloo of the meetings – a very important happening could have been completely missed, were it not for the crack reporting of THN’s own Lennie Pigsquarelli.

He was on scene today to capture what we believe to be the very first ever photograph of the ever-elusive, and thought-to-be-extinct, Mara Weasel. The Long Islandus Mustela was believed to have died out around 1694, when a witch turned them all into snivelling little toads, but apparently the spell could not last forever. This photograph is proof of ecologists worst fear, that not only is the Long Islandus Mustela still in existence, but able to migrate south for the winter.

The Mara Weasel will suck the life out of anything fun in it’s remote area. They are all individually born with spoons in their mouths, and with a sense of entitlement. PLEASE DO NOT APPROACH this seemingly harmless little weasel if you see one – ESPECIALLY if you are a Washington Redskins or Dallas Cowboys fan. The weasel has a very tiny little penis. That’s apropos of nothing, but it seemed worth mentioning. They can be very dangerous. They are spiteful, conniving little bastiches.

If you do spot one, please contact Ted Nugent at 1-800-SHOOT-IT and tell him that there is a Mara Weasel running around outside the NFL Owner’s Meetings in Florida with a sign that says, “The NRA Sux.”

This news report is completely false. If you believe it to be true, please print it off, and eat it for lunch.