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Draftnik Must-Haves

By Mark Solway | April 30th, 2015

Some watch the draft… some are consumed by it.

If you are the latter, here is my list of ten things/tools you will need to reach draft nirvana this evening…

1) Alcohol. You don’t have to drink to excess, though you may if you are so inclined. It’s perfectly okay to add a little bit of an air of “party” to your draft by enjoying a few wobbly pops. Drink responsibly of course.

2) Monitors. That used to just be “televisions”, but hey, these days people are going to be viewing the draft via various different methods and outlets. Whatever you use for “watching” – make sure you have at least two going. It just makes you feel like you’re way more important than you are if you can have multiple things going on.

3) Further to the above, have a phone or a tablet (or both) available so that you can follow along with your favorite app, or website. (important for number 10)

4) Arranged autonomy. What’s this you ask? Well if you are a father, or mother, or husband or wife, and the significant other in your life is NOT as excited about the NFL Draft, then arrange ahead of time to have some free time to yourself to enjoy the draft. This can not only prevent misunderstandings – but it can also help prevent missing something important while you work things out. If you have kids, obviously it is a more challenging dynamic, but again, communication with your spouse can help lead you down your desired path. Drop a few bucks and treat them all to ice cream or something. ๐Ÿ˜‰ In the event of BOTH parents being draftniks, you have two choices… hire a babysitter, or draw straws.

5) Food. This could be a blog unto itself, but draft day should be dealt with as seriously as Game Day. So whatever your fancy is, the draft is a great reason to engage in some early season tailgating action. Or make a good, hot chili. With the draft not starting until 8pm, don’t feel sheepish about BBQing up your favorite appetizer instead of a full meal either, we will understand.

6) Potato Chips. It really does’t matter how much food you have or if there is only one of you, it is completely unacceptable to sit and watch any sporting event without some horribly fattening, despicable chips.

7) Friends. Sure it’s optional but if you have a group of like-minded individuals that you can round up, use the excuse. It’s Thursday… what better way to stretch out a long weekend for yourself than to start tonight.

8) Throat lozenges. This is entirely optional and based on personality type, but I personally like to yell at the TV. Like, a lot. On draft day it goes like this…

“Ha Ha. Idiots. What on earth were you thinking Cleveland?”

“Mel Kiper is the anti-christ. His Eddie Munster looking ass don’t know jack about diddley. Damn I’m jealous that a dude can make so much money with so little apparent talent.”

“What?!?!?!?!”

“Maim the guy in the Cowboys gear!”

The list goes on and on.

When combining yelling with alcohol drinking, your throat is often much worse for wear. Wether it’s tonight or in hte morning.

9) Further to the next morning… make sure you have orange juice and a bread product. You’re likely working tomorrow, so if a few wobbly pops turned into several, and a celebratory shot of tequila or two, you may want to have some hangover remedies on hand in the morning. A good source of Vitamin C and something extremely digest-able can go a long way in getting you to work in a non-crippled state.

10) Patience. You get one pick in a round of 32. Where each team has 15 looooong minutes to make their pick. Sure they can pick earlier but you can’t count on it and they often don’t. The Redskins have the fifth pick and there’s every reason that you might have to wait close to an hour to hear that pick. They may also opt to trade out of the spot leaving you even longer to wait. You cannot flinch. You cannot bail for any reason. You must stay put. You cannot leave the room. Even if you pee, have a source to watch or listen, that you can take with you to the bathroom.

But you must remain calm. You must be patient.

Nah, &*$% it… I can’t do it. Two hours to go. Bring on the draft. Whoooooooo!

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