Archive: Scooter’s 6 Pack category

The Six Pack: The Road Ahead

1) I have a confession: I cheat at minesweeper. I find even the easy version is too much for someone of my limited patience/intellect. I like to play the “custom” version wherein I make a huge board but I have only 10 mines … it takes me about two clicks to win. Sometimes I still lose, which is pathetic. But here’s why I am revealing that: when I play with the Redskins on video games, I rarely lose. Or at least I didn’t before Madden required that I have 13 arms and nothing else to do for the next six months. But even when I did face the prospect of losing, I simply hit reset and started over … or convinced a friend to leave the room and used their controller to my advantage. The point (yes, I have one) is that we, as fans, have to draw a line between the ideal and reality. Granted my basic refusal to adhere to that has crippled my dating life but, when it comes to sports, it really is the best way to approach things.  Read more... (781 words, estimated 3:07 mins reading time)

The Six Pack: Much Better

After a great come from behind 29-24 victory by the Washington Redskins, here is this week’s Six Pack:

1) Hey, that was a lot more fun. A mere 10 days after putting a sizable portion of the Redskins fan base on suicide watch, the team bounced back with a thrilling win. Jim Zorn went from incompetent to gutsy, Jason Campbell went from disaster to “hey, I could get used to this” and my dog went from sleeping to scared for her life when Santana Moss scored on that beautiful bomb. Buy, buy, buy, right?  Read more... (734 words, estimated 2:56 mins reading time)

The Six Pack: Panic Attack

The Six Pack is back, offering Washington Redskins fans the unique musings of Stephen Zorio.

1) The annual Washington Redskins Fans Panic & Picnic has come a bit early this season. The picnic was tremendous, even if I was the only one there. Again … except for the kids who stopped to throw rocks … again. Well, guess who has a whole room full of rocks now suckers? As for the panic, typically Redskins fans have the good sense to wait until week 3 (a.k.a. the week that reveals everything we need to know*) to call for change.  Read more... (1033 words, estimated 4:08 mins reading time)

Six Pack

What follows is an answer to the chorus of complaints from the legions of fans tired of being distracted by “sensible” analysis, backed by “facts” and “knowledge.” If you seek shelter from the twin storms that are “reality” and “logic,” then this is your port of call.

1. Am I the only person expecting (hoping/wishing/praying with every ounce of my being) to see Dick Enberg eventually leave the broadcast booth mid-telecast, and begin prancing across the field while singing ‘I Feel Pretty’?  Read more... (470 words, estimated 1:53 mins reading time)

Scooter’s 6 Pack: Vikings

1. Purple Pounder People
The Vikings made the playoffs – after being whipped by the Redskins in the final game of the year. The Redskins almost kept the Vikings alive with a fumble and a sad INT, but the Redskins won. The smack talk was flying freely, especially from Vikings QB Dante Culpepper. The Redskins defense sacked, hurried, harassed and hurt the feelings of Culpepper before the day was done. Even with the win, the Skins showed more need for improvement. The Vikings showed that they’re just not good. It’s good to beat any team in the NFL, but beating good teams is the goal. With nothing on the line but the game at hand, our Redskins showed the heart of a contender.  Read more... (693 words, estimated 2:46 mins reading time)

Scooter’s 6 Pack: Cowboys

1. Upon Further Review
Well the refs didn’t win the game for the Cowboys, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. The sideline official attempted to give the Cowboys a First Down. Gibbs threw the flag and the call was reversed. It was a blatant attempt to cheat. The “call” was giving the Cowboy runner “imaginary forward progress” for two yards beyond the tackle. It wasn’t as if the play was difficult to judge – there happened to be big white line that the receiver didn’t cross. In cases such as this one, the referee should be fired and fined. I don’t care that the call was reversed anymore. The attempt to cheat, in plain view of everyone watching the game, was undeniable.  Read more... (849 words, estimated 3:24 mins reading time)

Scooter’s 6 Pack: 49ers

1. A Weak “W”

In years past, Redskin Fans have been treated to watching the defeat of our beloved team by a hapless bunch of chumps like the 49’ers. This year, we have the pleasure of complaining that we didn’t win by a wide enough margin… or is it just me? The 49’ers have a woeful lack of talent, a putrid system and half their cheerleaders used to be men. The Redskins got the win, but this game should not have been close. I’ll take a weak win over a weak loss, but I’d really love to see our Redskins positively pound a team into the turf for 60 minutes. Were we saving something for this week’s game? Oh, that would be a huge GIFT!  Read more... (731 words, estimated 2:55 mins reading time)

Scooter’s 6 Pack: Eagles II

1. Score Revised
REDSKINS 13, EAGLES 10, ZEBRAS 7
If I wanted to watch a sexually confused zebra, I’d try to merge Queer Eye for the Straight Guy with the National Geographic Channel. Another bogus Pass Interference call gave the opposing team points – points that they were not going to have otherwise. Not enough to doom the Redskins – but enough to make a pretty damn big difference in the ballgame. Yet another example of pathetic officiating. Nice job boys! Then the crew attempted to spot a ball two yards beyond the spot where a tackle was made. This time, they were unsuccessful in their attempt to cheat – the Eagles were still short of the first down… Nice Try Boys!  Read more... (757 words, estimated 3:02 mins reading time)

Scooter’s 6 Pack: Giants II

1. Spanking the G-Stringers

At the opening kick-off, the Giants had all the momentum. It took the Redskins defense exactly three plays to get the ball back. The G-Stringers managed to drive the ball one yard – backwards. Thus the tone was set for the entire day. Ramsey was mistake-free, Portis ran harder than he’d run all season, Betts slugged his way through would-be tacklers and WR’s actually caught the football. All the while, the Skins defense punished Eli Manning and any other Giant who dared run with our football. It’s been too long since the Skins were on the delivery-end of a blow out. At the end of the game, the Skins up 31-7, and 2:03 on the clock – all I could think about was- JUST ONE MORE TD!  Read more... (978 words, estimated 3:55 mins reading time)

Scooter’s 6 Pack: Steelers

1. Special Ed

Not since the days of LeCharles McDaniel has the Redskins McSpecial Teams, LeStunk so badly as it did against the Steelers. Punt returns cost the Skins 10 points, indirectly, with outstanding field position. The Steelers Antwan Randle- El is a super player with great skills. At some point during the week, it “might” have been mentioned to a few of the special teams coverage unit… or not. In either case, this team cannot afford to play McSpecial Teams again.  Read more... (575 words, estimated 2:18 mins reading time)