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Redskins 2010 Offseason

Here we go with another edition of “How to Spend Dan Snyder’s Money!” Also affectionately referred to as “Who Wants to be a Gazillionare!”

Fans are understandably nervous about the possibility of a lockout in 2011, but in the mean-time, it’s looking like 2010 will go uncapped. The rumors of what the Redskins would do in an uncapped year began the moment someone realized this was an actual possibility.

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Dan Snyder and the XMB-5000

The office was large and plush. The 15-foot ceilings and large windows made even the largest of defensive linemen feel small. To one side was an equally large fire-place and in the middle or the room, with the windows behind it, was the desk of one Daniel M. Snyder.

Rain pattered against the glass of the enormous windows, and gave the night an even more ominous feel. The only light in the office was coming from the crackling fire in the aforementioned fireplace.

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Is it time to wake up already?

(*Cue dramatic nature-like music & deep voice-over-type voice*) Like a bear – a big, burly brown bear – or wait, maybe a like a black bear, yeah, a black bear – like a black bear, I awaken from my winter slumber to emerge into the spring that is…..the NFL Preseason. Just like the bear, I am hungry – starving for sustenance. For him that means fish and berries – for me, it means Redskins football. And just like the bear, I have to poop, since I’ve been holding it for months. Actually, that’s where the metaphor falls apart, because I have been pooping all winter, but hang in there with me for a moment longer. (*Ahem*) Just like the bear, I’ve forgotten the struggles of the last year, and I look forward to the triumph that the new season seems to promise. And as the bear and I gaze upon the shining spring sun, we’re both thinking the same thing – ‘Man, I hate the *bleeping* Cowboys.’

So now that I’ve warmed up my metaphoric muscles, I’ll get to the meat of the act. I was going to write about how we as Redskins fans need to CALM DOWN and not get all giggly and squirmy just because the team has looked pretty darn good in the first couple of preseason games. But then I thought – hey, why not get all giggly and squirmy? This may be our only chance to get all giggly and squirmy, so we might as well do it now.

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